New user saying hello and new kitty troubles

Hello everybody,

I am Morrighaan and I am a cat-oholic 

I found this site because everybody seems so helpful and knowledgeable and I’ve been reading everything and anything about cat physiology and behavior since I need help.

I have an 8 year old female cat, Kiska, that I adopted when she was only 3-4 weeks of age. She was one of four kitten litter and when 3 kittens died, the cat mother stopped feeding her. I took her in, bottle fed her and since then she is an apple of my eye and was until 4 weeks ago an only and an indoor cat. Now from what I am reading, I guess it wasn’t so healthy to adopt her at such an early age because she grew up to be a very anxious cat. Doesn’t adapt to new environments easily, very sensitive to sounds, new people in the house (when our friends or family come over, she always stays somewhere in the closet until they leave), doesn’t like to be pet most of the times, sensitive stomach, etc. But, otherwise, she is a spoiled girl and my boyfriend and I love her silly. Recently our vet said that she is overweight and because we both work during the day and don’t get home until evenings, she really just sleeps under the blankets all day long.

Four weeks ago, we adopted a new kitten from the shelter to join our family. I did my research ahead of time and we picked a 4 month old, neutered male kitten thinking that it would be easier for our cat to adapt to. We kept them separated, kitten in our office with toys, litter box, food, etc for about a week swapping toys and towels for scents and keeping the door cracked so they can hear each other. After a week, the kitten started to get curious and was trying to get out and explore what’s beyond the door. We started to introduce them “face-to-face” by bringing out the kitten to my older kitty in a box so she can sniff him, gradually increasing visits.

The situation as of today, it’s been four weeks….Kiska hates the newcomer, she hides away in the bedroom under the blankets (her safe zone) all day long and only comes out freely at night when we lock the kitten or when we separate them (lock him in the office which is his “safe zone”). When they have face-to-face, which the kitten always instigates, she growls and hisses at him and when he tries to play with her (by jumping or trying to touch her) she slaps him. He is very much submissive to her, shows her his belly, lays down in front of her burring his face in his paws and does kind of chirp meows. On the other hand, he gets bored by just laying there in front of her wants to play and jumps on her (playfully) or if they meet in the living room, her reaction is to run back to the safe zone and his reaction is to chase her. I am sure she perceives all of his “moves” as aggressive. When he is in the office she has no desire to even go near it and really wants nothing to do with him.

I know that introductions take time, but it’s been a month and they still can’t be left alone unsupervised. Their relationship is not moving forward by no means because my old cat is either staying the hell away or being defensive (growling, hissing and slapping him if he gets to close). We are giving both of them equal attention. I am constantly bribing my older cat with new toys, catnip and tuna. I don’t know what to do at this point and can’t find any useful info online. I want them to get along. I’ve ordered Feliway diffusers, they are still in the mail. Anybody has any other suggestions what to do meanwhile? I don’t want her to feel scared of him and don’t know how to make kitten way less “excited” when he sees her and her less stubborn.