Purrs and Headbonks for Karin

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This topic contains 73 replies, has 25 voices, and was last updated by  Sylmiafelixsmama 10 years, 8 months ago.

Viewing 20 posts - 41 through 60 (of 74 total)
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  • #66596

    I assume you are renting, Karin. You may need to run changing the locks past your landlord. Just a thought.

    #66597

    Sylmiafelixsmama
    Participant

    If I change the locks, I have to contact my landlord first. I received some phone responses on some rental places and it seems that of the places that I can afford, they either do not accept pets or they do not have a place available till sometime in mid-November which is too late for me.

    I have checked out places from studios to two bedrooms in hopes of finding something. I am still waiting to hear from one place that had an open house last weekend. If they do not respond, then I will assume they are no longer available. This is a bad time of year to be moving but I will find something. Some places do not post till the weekend so hopefully there will be more soon. Started to feel a bit frustrated at the rental market but will keep searching. I am going to post a rental wanted ad too in hopes that maybe a landlord is searching for a particular renter. One can only hope.

    #66598

    ailuromaniac
    Participant

    Stress to your landlord that you are unsafe in your apartment. Put it in writing and hand it to the apartment manager first thing in the morning and get a signed receipt for the notice. Ask for a change of locks at that time. The apartment owners will not want a liability claim if you are assaulted on their property once you have proof of applying for help.

    If you have given notice let them know of the waiting period til mid-late November for a pet accepting apartment.

    You did not say, but were you living in these apartments when he broke the chainlock? If so they should have been made aware of the damage then and that is evidence for your concern.

    Anyone who is a “mutual friend” and buying his claim that he would not harm you is either not your friend or an ostrich. You need someone on your side in any meetings. Call on Instinct or someone else nearby who is exclusively your friend to be present at any meetings.

    There is a major difference in keeping it friendly and keeping it civil.

    Remember you would be safer with your cats living in your car than in a place he can waltz in at any time.

    Now is not the time to make nice. You don’t have to be a threat but you need to attend to your safety. Locks, alarms and exclusive representatives of your side.

    Box his stuff and put it in the apartment storage and tell him everything is there and not in the apartment so you don’t want him there for any reason.

    If you have not done so, contact legal aide and/or a women’s shelter for help filing against him and get the ball rolling.

    #66599

    ailuromaniac
    Participant

    P.S. Get your money out of your joint accounts and into your own name. Do it yesterday!

    #66600

    AZDEBRA 5/27 & crew
    Participant

    Karin, only good wishes towards you, Slyvester, & Mia for your health and safety. While your husband may be the best friend your ‘mutual’ friends or his former roommates may have, they weren’t married to him nor did they have the relationship that you have or had. Even a relationship with family (parents, siblings, and the like) is very, very different than husband/wife or partner/partner, in a fantasy world it would be the same but its not sadly. The doorjammer thing that was suggested does work, my dau used one when her apartment was broken into and because she was moving the landlord didn’t want to change the locks. It goes under the doorjam to the floor, usually made out of aluminum so lightweight but strong. I know you are frustrated with all this, and you have every right to be, just know that we are here for you and you do have people very close to you that care. Peace for this evening, please get some rest.

    #66601

    AnnF
    Participant

    Interim safety ideas for when you’re in the apartment:

    While you see it in the movies all the time, it actually does work to shove a chair under the door handle. At least do this until you can get a doorjam.

    A pencil or marker at the right angle can also make an improvised door jam. They won’t stop anybody who’s utterly determined for long, but long enough for you to call for help and start making a lot of noise.

    #66602

    Sylmiafelixsmama
    Participant

    I am corresponding with someone who has a studio available now that is in a decent area of Alameda and allows pets. There is off street parking too. I am trying to arrange to see the place. I will ask them if they can wait till 10/13 or 10/20 for me to move in as I need some time to raise some cash to move. If can raise the cash sooner, I will be out by next weekend. Hope it works out as the place looks nice from the picture. They are renting it for $895 a month which is very doable. I think I would have to put my dining table set in storage but that would be okay with me. We will see.

    #66603

    LadyValkyrie
    Participant

    OOh Karin, great news. Happy to hear. I hope it works out, I know what you are going through on the home hunting doing it on my end too. Most place 1200 and up Can’t afford that. So I am still looking.

    Keep us updated.

    Ange

    #66604

    AZDEBRA 5/27 & crew
    Participant

    Karin, hope that the apartment hunting went well, sounds like a good place to start with, even if you have furniture in storage.

    #66605

    Rubia in CA, 4/28
    Participant

    Karin – Best of luck with that studio! It sounds perfect!

    #66606

    ailuromaniac
    Participant

    It should go without saying that EX’s former roommates and mutual friends are not to share in the physical move.

    They should not know the address either. Phone numbers are iffy but be sure to have them listed as UNPUBLISHED not unlisted.

    UNPUBLISHED phone numbers cannot even be given out by directory assistance. It is a layer of security you need.

    #66607

    HarleyVixen
    Participant

    Karin:

    Best of luck with the apt…. and please, please… keep yourself and your kitties safe, that comes FIRST!!

    hugs and purrs…

    #66608

    Emma
    Participant

    Change the locks; have I&I’s phone number handy; trust only your personal friends, not the mutuals; make sure you have a tire iron or something along that line. Do not let that creepy b*****d in your apartment again.

    #66609

    Sylmiafelixsmama
    Participant

    Hope to connect with the person who has the $895 studio. If I have put the rest of my furniture in storage, I am okay with that. Already been checking out the storage places to see what rates they charge for what size of a storage unit. I also got a response to my posting a rental wanted ad. It is farther inland but if the price is right that may have to suffice till next May when the rental market may be better.

    I called the mutual friend yesterday about his setting up an appointment to mediate between husband and I. Well, he said he had to call my husband and then call me back. He never called back. If the meeting isn’t set up for this weekend, I am going to change the locks tonight. In the meantime, I will try to move as soon as possible. No meeting setup this weekend will show me that this so called mutual friend is really more interested in delaying my move, not in helping me. I have to call my Great Aunt tonight to see if she received my note and can help me. I really hope she can as I am not happy with this unresolved situation. Really frustrating.

    #66610

    anncetera2
    Participant

    Karin, I’m glad that you’re focusing on what you need to do, to protect yourself. I think you’re right not to count on a ‘mutual friend’ for any help.

    (I hope you’ve already taken steps to separate your finances, if they weren’t handled separately already.)

    Don’t forget to call upon your local friends for help, if that’s what you need to do. I want to see you and your pets get out of this situation safe and sound.

    #66611

    Emma
    Participant

    I know I sound totally paranoid, but I am starting to get a couple of bad feelings about the “mutual friend” who is male and is trying to mediate between Karin and her ex. If this “mutual friend” is from the same background and culture as the ex, then this could get into a physical thing, especially if the culture is not overly respectful of women.

    If you’re going to go through with this and have a mediation meeting, have some personal friends with you, and bulky ones at that, whose presence can keep the danger level and drama to a minimum.

    However, why are you mediating this at all? This is going to be like mediating a wake. The decisions have already been made.

    Don’t be talked into diminishing yourself.

    #66612

    HuddysMama
    Participant

    Karin, I am praying this all works out for you. You are taking all the right steps and I’m proud of you for doing what you know you must do. Not everybody would be so brave and sensible.

    #66613

    2 Popoki
    Participant

    I agree with Huddy’s Mama… very brave of you, and I’m so proud of you for moving forward. Once you are in your own place, you will feel much better and even more empowered. Am sending you as much strength as I can… can’t deplete myself too much …. 🙂

    #66614

    Sylmiafelixsmama
    Participant

    Thank you all. Husband contacted me via text messaging to ask about paying the rent. We have taken care of that issue but it now tells me that the mutual friend didn’t say anything to him so it is now apparent to me that nothing is going to be accomplished with mediation. The whole idea of mediation was so that we didn’t have to go to the police over anything. We have separate bank accounts and the one joint account, he had it for his paycheck and only added me on to it so I could make deposits and write checks. I have never deposited any money into it and never will. I saw a great place listed on the web but it is for $1195 which is still within a doable range at the salary range I aiming for at a permanent job. The downside is the place isn’t available till Nov 7th which means I can’t move till Nov 10th. That is a month and five days away. If that is the place I decide to take, then having the locks changed will at least help the situation till I can move.

    #66615

    HuddysMama
    Participant

    Can I come visit you in your new place? 🙂

Viewing 20 posts - 41 through 60 (of 74 total)

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