Help needed getting my new cats to stop hating me!

Hi Michael –

It sounds like you are doing all you can. I am guessing the most basic tactic: patience, patience and more patience may be in order. Keeping them in the same room together and feeding them together seems to make sense.
I wonder if maybe you could sit on the floor or near where they hide and read out loud or sing or hum would help them get used to your voice, scent and presence. In addition to treats, maybe interactive toys like a laser pointer or “Da Bird” would help them associate you with fun as well as food.
As far as petting them, try the wait and see attitude. It would be best to have them come to you, but after a while you can occasionally try a little tough love and try to pet them. Don’t press your luck, though, so they don’t get too stressed. I truly believe they will eventually give in. Cats can be so stubborn!

Welcome Michael. I understand you are frustrated but the cats don’t hate you. They have been transplanted into a new home with a new person so naturally, they are very scared. You’ve done a good job by keeping them in your room. This is how they will get used to you and your smell. Separating them won’t be a positive move for them.

This is what I do when I have new cats in my life – I wait a couple of days, then I pick one up, wrap in a towel (like a burrito) and I hold close to my chest. They often resist at first but then realize that petting and head rubbings are OK. Do this again, again and again. NOTE-DO THIS ONLY IF YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE.

Some cats are not demonstratively affectionate but, at least, you will have a good (and peaceful) relationship.

Also check the ‘socializing’ pink tag, Michael.

Aargh, now it’s all gone wrong… Anyway, I completely agree with Joan above, and I’m not so keen on the ‘crating’ idea, that will just stress them out more than ever, assuming you can catch them (which will stress them out entirely). It would have been fine if they’d arrived in one but now…Just spend time in the same room with them, not looking at them. If they catch your eye, just blink slowly and exaggeratedly, yawn and look away. This is cat body language for ‘chill out, I don’t want a confrontation’. Sit in the same room with them (with them under the bed, this is fine), on the floor, and read aloud to them or speak softly and gently to them, with your back to them. Occasionally hold out your hand with some treats in it or dipped in plain yoghurt. Patience, patience, patience. Your voice is your best ally at this stage, make it always soft and gentle and loving. No rapid or quick or abrupt movements or noises or anything, move slowly and carefully so they can predict what you’re doing and don’t get spooked. From their point of view you are a stranger who may mean them harm and a great galumphing giant who may accidentally step on them without meaning to. But they will learn to love you, it is just a patience thing. In a way, having the two of them bonded is a bit of a disadvantage as well as an advantage for them, they can look to each other for affection and will not be quite so keen to gain it from you — yet. But it will happen.
The Feliway spray is good for spraying on surfaces you don’t want them to pee or poo on or scratch. However, I can really recommend the Feliway diffuser to calm them both down and give them a feeling of wellbeing. It’s not a drug, it’s a pheromone (smell) that mimics the pheromone that cats produce when they mark their territory with head rubs etc, it tells them that this is a good place, they are safe and fine and happy. Just plug it in in your bedroom and leave it on all the time, I have found it invaluable. (Sadly, no, I don’t have shares in the company.) It is pricey but hopefully you won’t have to use it for too long.

It looks like you’ve received some great advice! I thought I would add some ideas that I’ve used in the past. I found an injured kitten in my yard about 3 years ago, and she holed up in a bedroom and buried herself behind a pile of pillows. She hissed everytime she saw me. It took a long time for her to engage with me, but here’s what I did.

1. Anytime I reached for her, I moved my hand slowly, didn’t look directly at her, and kept my fingers tucked in. I figured this was more like I had my ‘claws’ retracted. I only reached for her when I had to (like when we had to go to the vet for checkups on her injury, or when I had to bring her into the open for food).

2. I always greeted her when I came into the room. Soft voice, but used her name and asked her how she was feeling…told her how beautiful and strong she was…yada yada yada.

3. I would go into the room both when I had to interact with her, and also when I didn’t have to. When I didn’t have to touch her for some reason, I would just take a book or my DS in with me and lay down and just hang out for a couple of hours at a time. Then I would leave. That way she didn’t associate my presence with some kind of forceful action. You know…sometimes I’m just there.

4. This one is the toughest, but I think probably the most important. Fake it. If you are stressed out, they are going to pick up on it. Just make yourself be normal, like nothing is wrong.

As for the litter box problem, I would add more litter boxes. It’s just temporary, but this is what I do every time I’ve brought a new cat in. I put litter boxes in every area of the house.

And the only reason I had my girl confined to her own room was because she was injured and I have other cats. I didn’t want them to scare her or mess with her while she was healing. Otherwise, I let the cats (new and old) have the run of the house. I figure this gives them more space to choose their own ‘safe zones’. But that’s just me.

Now, my girl is a big ole lap cat. She even sleeps under the covers with me. It took a long time, and she still doesn’t totally trust my husband, so I know all this stuff helped her know that I’m her person.

You’ll get there, it’ll just take some time.

Hi Michael. I’m chiming in agreeing w/Jcat about the kibbles. My 2 sibling boys in their 1st year of life began to develope crystals. What helped is I was looking in that direction learning early the symptoms if they should appear. I knew that neutered males were suseptable to them. When I saw the crystals showing up,I cut way back on the kibbles(they free-grazed)& gave them almost all wet. Their poor sister didn’t know what to think (she never showed symptoms). The change in diet started working almost immediately in clearing up the crystals. My only problem was Spunky(the runt of the litter). He wouldn’t stop growing. Now at age 5(almost 6) he’s sitting at 23 1/2 lbs. of lean & mean muscle machine. I still have to watch his kibble intake bcuz it’s what he loves & it puts lbs. on only him,bigtime.
I think your doing everything right w/your furbabies. They will come around in time.