Heartbroken

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  • #828096
    Reem
    Participant

    This is my first time posting anything. so I don’t know if ive done this right. So Yesterday night I had to put my baby girl Emma to sleep. She was only 5 months old. When I found her, she was in a shoe box At about two weeks old. I bottle fed her, kept her warm, I became very attached to her. She wasn’t growing as fast but she was still growing and gaining weight, being active and just very affectionate. She loved to lay on your neck/chest and she would give you small love bites and bud her head to yours repeatedly. She was perfect. She got sick about a month ago, she got diagnosed with FIP. It was devastating news. They showed us her X-rays and She was using about 10% of her lungs. They drained them and she was so much better but we knew it would come back. She was also anemic and dehydrated. She would need a blood transfusion and continuous draining. I did some research and I’ve read stories about how one kitten had the same thing she has and suffered violent seizures. I knew this was a battle we were not going to win. So we (my husband and I) spent some time with her and then it was done. It was one of the hardest thing I had to go through. This morning I woke up, not be able to see or hear her morning routines, it broke my heart again and I lost it. I stayed in bed until 3pm. Finally got up, took a shower, got food and visited a friend. I came home and right now, I feel nauseous and my heart hurts. My Emma isn’t here to cuddle w me. I have two other cats that are only a few weeks older than she. And even w them, our home feels so empty. I know it’s only the first day and the beginning is the hardest but I’m so broken. It’s so unfair that this has happened to her. I’m having such a hard time. It feels like my insides want to come out. Walking around the house is like reality slapping Me on the face that she’s gone.
    I just wanted to share my story. Since this has happened in less than 24hrs, the hole in my heart Is so deep. Any advice or just anything for me. Your stories, just anything.

    #828099
    Kittyzee
    Participant

    Reem, I am so sorry for the loss of your baby Emma. She is in the Meadow now with all of our kitties and doggies, happy and pain free. When she thinks you are ready, she will send you another kitty that needs you, to love. Someday, when we leave this earth, we will find them waiting for us. It will be a blink of an eye for her, but a lifetime of waiting for us.
    It’s always so hard at first when we lose one of our beloveds. Here at TDK, we all know the pain of losing them, whether they are very young, or have been with us for a very long time. Feel free to unburden your heart, no one will judge you, since we have all felt your pain.
    I have four inside kitties and am a rescuer of mamas and their babies. I have lost tiny kittens to cats that I have loved for years. It never gets any easier to lose them, they are all such unique individuals.
    Time will help your heart to heal. You will not forget her. But when you remember her, it will be with a smile, maybe a tear, but not the terrible pain you now feel.
    Please come back here and let us know how you are doing. You are welcome here, Join us in the cafe and feel free to read the threads and get to know us.

    #828103
    Buttons
    Moderator

    I’m so very sorry for your loss! <3 what your describing is all to familiar to us all here … The pain you can feel from the loss of a furry baby can be immense 🙁

    The hollow feeling in the pit of your stomach , the ache to hold them again .. It can be so overwhelming . I lost by soul kitty Buttons (my avatar) about 8 months ago . And even though the pain has not gone I am starting to remember the happy times and realise he was sent here to me for a reason and I think that’s hat Emma had to teach you and her short life will forever impact yours.

    Because of Buttons and the disabilities and viruses he fought I’ve learned so much and his legacy is that because of him a lot of cats are still alive today through my research..So make Emma’s short life a long legacy do things in memory of her. It does help.

    I do feel your pain so believe me when I say it can be channeled into something good..

    #828104
    CheetahBoysmommy
    Participant

    I’m sorry for your loss; it’s heartwrenching to lose our furbabies. Think of what her life would have been like if you hadn’t found in when she was so tiny. She would have died cold, hungry, unloved and alone. Even though you only got to keep her here with you for such a short time, you filled her life with warmth and love. You’ll see her again and all she will remember is that you were the best mommy she could have ever asked for.

    #828106
    Moonshadow_NZ
    Moderator

    Reem so sorry for your loss of Emma. You gave her a good chance at life and love which is so important. She will be waiting for you just over the Rainbow Bridge in the Meadow.

    And God asked the feline spirit,
    “Are you ready to come home?”
    “Oh yes, quite so” replied the precious soul.
    “And as a cat, you know I am most able to decide anything for myself.”
    “Are you coming then?’ asked God.
    “Soon.” replied the whiskered angel,
    “But I must come slowly,
    Because my human friends are troubled, for you see,
    They need me,quite certainly.”
    “But don’t they understand?” asked God.
    “That you will never leave them?
    That your souls are intertwined for all eternity?
    That nothing is created or destroyed,?
    It just is. . . . forever and ever and ever”
    “Eventually they will understand,”
    replied the cat.
    “For I will whisper in their hearts that I am always with them.
    “That I just am. . . forever and ever and ever.”

    #828107
    katzenjammer
    Participant

    I cannot add to what has already been said, but want to send you my condolences and can just agree that at TDK we do understand so please feel free to come here at any time. Pounce through the Meadow, happy and healthy and having known only love, sweet Emma.

    #828112
    Reem
    Participant

    Hey! I’m so thankful to wake up and see your replies. This is the second morning and it’s been a better morning. I still thought Of her and still ‘saw’ her coming around the corner and I can still ‘hear’ her little meows but it wasn’t too painful today. I know this is going to be a ripple effect, I’m ok now but, one day, I’m not sure when, it’s going to hit me all over again.
    My two other fur babies are better this morning too. Idk if they know she is gone, but yesterday morning they knew something was wrong with me and they were much more attentive that usual and today since I felt better, they pretty much acted like they always do. But I still watch them closely since when I got them, I found her 2days later , so they’ve too been w her all along. I just want theM to be ok. My husband is also doing better this mornjng. Yesterday it hit him in the morning and he started crying. I’m sure your wondering why mornings are mentioned a lot lol. Well it’s because mornings was when we would get a burst of EmmaS affection and attention, she liked to run into the bedroom and jump into the bed and pretty much savage you with kisses and love bites and head buds and she was also more vocal at this time. Throughout the day, she’s more quiet and pretty much just wanted to sit on you :)…
    So Since she died from FIP, is there an organisation or foundation that dedicates itself in research, finding cures, vaccines etc for FIP? Also I don’t know how to upload a picture of her, can someone guide me to it.
    And I’ve just recently heard about the rainbow bridge, when did that come about. Someone made a YouTube video of it and I balled my eyes out.
    Thank you again, for reading about my emma, it truly does mean a lot to me. Thank you!!

    #828119
    Jeankit
    Participant

    Sometimes our li’l kits are called home early. Maybe to be part of the special kitten pack in the Meadow! She will wait for you ’til heaven meets earth near the Rainbow Bridge.

    #828121
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi Reem,

    I, too, send my condolences. It will take time but your family will be able to think of wee Emma as the happy, loving kitten she was and the love you shared. The Rainbow Bridge is the refuge for us as much as our fur babies. It has been and will be furever.

    Regarding a posting a photo- you need to set up a photo account. I use photobucket.com and many of our TDKers use it as well. Once you set up a free account you can upload any picture to your library. When you view the picture you will see “share links” to the right of the screen. I prefer using the “Direct” option. Clink on the option and that will copy it. Once you copy it then you can come back to TDK and post her picture.

    PG

    #828132
    JerseyJoan
    Moderator

    Hi Reem – welcome to The Daily Kitten. I’m so very sorry about Emma and the pain you and your husband are going through. Emma carved a place for herself in your heart, ensuring she will never be forgotten. The human heart is amazing though. Events can leave a big hole, and I must honestly say that the wound will never completely heal. The space where Emma’s love for you emanates will eventually gather happy memories, though that is very hard to believe now, since the thought of her currently makes you sad. But I promise happy times will come. Emma is whole again. Happy and pain free, she runs and plays with the kitten pack at the Meadow. She and her new friends don’t remember anything of their time on Earth except love from their humans. They chase butterflies, who fly just out of reach, poke their paws in the brook and tease the fishies, somehow without getting their paws wet, and race around on grass softer than any Earthly grass. She will wait for you, and though it will be a lifetime for you, it is just the blink of an eye for her.
    My sincerest condolences,
    Joan

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