Solage is at the Bridge

I’m stunned too, Kittyzee. I’m not okay. This was one of those times when the call was hard to make. She stopped eating and fought me when I tried to syringe food and water into her mouth. She was limp most of the time. She never purred any more. She urinated on the couch last night, too tired or weak to get to the litter box. Her mouth was entirely white inside: gums, tongue, roof. She had a fever for days. Would she have made it if I’d treated her longer? I don’t know. The vet doesn’t know. It’s not possible to know.

Tomorrow is a holiday in the United States, Independence Day, and the vet will be closed. There’s an emergency vet in the next town. I didn’t want to take a chance on having her deteriorate to the point of not being able to breathe properly and there being no one to help her to the Bridge. My decision might have been different if not for the holiday. That’s what bothers me the most. Was it time or not? Would further medication and force feeding have saved her life? I’ll never know.

Before leaving, I told Penny that Solange was leaving for the Rainbow Bridge and would not be coming back. I asked Penny if she’d like to say goodbye. She came right over and touched noses with Solange.

My poor baby. Brought her to work with me the other day to observe her condition (ate little, drank little, used litter once, slept most of the time, no attempt to explore the new surroundings). Bed pad with bowl of water still on the floor; portable litter boxes (used one wrapped in newspaper) stuffed under the desk. At home, two litter boxes for one cat.

I had my hand under her while they gave her the needle. I whispered to her, “Watch for the colors.” I felt her heart stop beating. They really do use a big dose; her heart stopped after only a little had been given.

The doctor says to wash everything with a hard surface in a bleach solution. I can do that for the dishes and the carrier, but I’m just not physically able to do the kitchen and bathroom floors. Vet started talking about antibacterial Swiffers; didn’t understand a thing he was saying. Friend who was with us did most of the listening to that. He said it was extremely unlikely that Penny would get this from Solange; why do I have to wash everything down with bleach now?

No memorial. I can’t afford it now. Just whatever they do with the bodies of cats who die.

Only 5 months old. Only 10 days with us.

Have been looking at sites having to do with seashells, something I once loved–not with the same love that is between a life and its guardian; English is limited that way. Back when Pet Rocks were in fashion, I bought a pet seashell. August 1976. Atlantic Deer Cowry, Cypraea cervus. Named it Sherman. Still sitting on my desk here, 38 years later. Not going anywhere. Will never get sick. Living part has been dead and gone for decades and I never saw it. Won’t ever have to make hard decisions for it.

I know I’m rambling. Tigeranne was bad enough. Somehow this feels even worse, because I had to decide how much she was suffering and what kind of chance she had. I don’t even want to think about how Tigeranne must have suffered in the last days of her life. They won’t let us know.

Pulled the post because I can’t get the blamed Picassa program to let me share the pictures; the web link starts https, and I can’t figure out what to do about it.