On May 2, I was sent involuntarily to a psychiatric hospital in a city 65 miles from home. I presented to a local emergency department with a panic attack. I made the mistake of saying that I’d had a passing thought of crashing my car into something, but decided to go to the ED instead. Someone interviewed me when I was calm; I don’t know his affiliation or credentials. He asked me if I had any plans or intention to crash the car; I said no, it was just a thought that crossed my mind. They sent me anyway. Other considerations were my demographic status (female, upper middle age, no family, not living with other humans, few social connections) and the fact that I miss Kit and found her peaceful death to be beautiful. I was kept in the ED for 11 hours, lying on a hard rubber couch, wearing a set of paper scrubs. I didn’t even have my glasses so I couldn’t read my watch. They took me by ambulance at 11:45 PM; my car left the ED before I did.
The hospital was terrible. The staff treat patients like objects to be managed rather than people to be helped. Some of them shout orders. Doors to rooms are locked during the day to keep people from sleeping rather than going to group meetings. Platform bed frames have hard rubber inserts covered with vinyl that don’t deserve to be called mattresses. Spend all day sitting in a day room with a TV constantly on. Just kept my mouth shut, did what I was told, and got home Monday the 9th.
Starting to feel post-traumatic stress. Just told my boss when he called that I keep thinking someone is going to come to my door and tell me I’m supposed to be somewhere else doing something else. Mind keeps straying to what I would have to be doing right now if I were still there. Just the feeling of the place keeps hanging on me. Still feel the defensive tension.
Only good part was the staff psychiatrist assigned to me. From India, I believe; courteous, kind, and as helpful as possible in the few minutes available for him to spend with me each day. Started me on a new anxiolytic and got my new antidepressant up to therapeutic level.
Seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow. Have a standing appointment with my therapist on Fridays, but I haven’t been able to reach him to confirm; missed last week, of course, but I think he was told why.
Will never go to the hospital where that ED is again. Will never present to any ED with a psych problem again. Will only tell my general physician, my psychiatrist, and my therapist the full truth about my thoughts and feelings.
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