I think my kitten wants me to be blind.

Your kitten isn’t burning off enough energy during waking hours and is probably going through Night Crazies because of it – my 8 year old still does what you’re describing every single morning around 4am if I don’t play with him enough during the day. And slapping cats as punishment isn’t effective; softly popping a dogs butt with a newspaper (which I personally wouldn’t do) might make a dog think “Hey, better not do that again,” but a cat is more likely to become stand-offish towards you as it grows older, or lose trust in you completely. A nice, firm ‘no,’ usually works with my (hearing) kits, and leaning in my deaf girl’s face and wagging my finger (which has been our ‘kitty-sign-language since she was a baby) immediately makes her stop. With my boy, the only way to get him to not bite/stick claws in me playfully is to immediately get up and walk away when it happens. He wants attention – so he finally started to equate clawing/biting me with not getting attention.

Your kitten is not satan. And he loves you – I know this because he trusts you enough to sleep on your face. He’s a perfectly normal, playful child who isn’t getting enough play-time (what he’s doing at night is exactly that – he’s trying to play). He needs you to play with him, and he’s trying to tell you that. Get some string toys, mine like the ones that look like fishing poles that you dangle in front of them, they also like the ones where you bat balls around a track, or wind-up/motorized mice they can chase. Start by trying to get him to play for about 15 minutes (or until he gets tired) at least three times a day. You already have a perfectly normal kitten, so don’t worry. If you can burn off that hyper kitten energy during the day, he’ll be less likely to want to ‘hunt and stalk’ (you) at night.

KZ, not sure my advice counts as good. For Dorry I find that if I overplay with him, ie tickle his tummy which he generally likes, at some point he will go for my arm, not fun anymore! Same when other peeps play with him, he goes too far into hunting mode. So another point when playing might be to use interactive toy, ie something wand-like as intervention between kit and self. Also, the ever-popular laser light (red dot). NB for new cat owners NEVER shine light directly in kit’s eyes.

One other strategy I’ve been using. When I sense that Dorry might be wanting to go into “attack” mode, which is a natural instinct, I toss a toy (a little stuffed bird) away from me. He hears it land and goes after it, in effect “killing” it and releasing tension. Don’t anyone get the idea that he has me cornered, I just want to keep him happy and let him be a cat. And for sure over time he is settling down, and I’m not the only one who’s noticed this. Often someone who doesn’t interact with him on a daily basis will be more likely to note and point out subtle changes.