HEY KARIN

Sweetie, something tells me that between the court and the INS, these boys are going to turn into breakfast. With lamb bones, yet.

I too was wondering if his taping me would be consider illegal. Also, I would think they would listen to me more than to him since I am the American Citizen here and he is an immigrant. I think they would see it as his trying to extort me into staying in the marriage. Either way, I don’t want to take any chances which is why I am paying $30 to have a 30 minute consult. If I have to find a crimminal lawyer, I will do so and hope that lawyer will be either pro-bono or will let me pay on a sliding scale in a monthly amount. I think the sooner I move the better off I will be. Will see one last place tonight and then make my decision. I will start packing tonight and will be up late the next five nights in order to get it all done so I can move by Sunday. Hope it will work out.

Karin, it *will* work out. I would refrain from contact with husband or “friend” until and unless the consulting lawyer says it’s okay. As it is, with the current legal climate toward immigration in this country, even legal immigration, your husband’s claims are weak tea – especially if you didn’t know you were being taped. If he recorded the conversation illegally (without your knowledge or consent), then that information cannot be used in court.

(Mandatory disclaimer: I am not a lawyer, nor do I play one on TV. Do not construe anything I say as being anything other than my opinion. Especially don’t construe it to be a professional legal opinion.)

It sounds to me as if your husband’s doing everything he can to keep you from divorcing him. He has a lot at risk, if you divorce him. Don’t let that dissuade you from pursuing that course, if that’s what you need to do.

The sooner you get into your own place, with a PO Box, the better!! Be sure to contact local friends if you need help moving out quickly.

Karin, I hope you’re able to contact another referral service to contact a lawyer, if you’re not getting any response. Alternatively, look up attorneys in the yellow pages and see if there’s any attorney that specializes in immigration issues that will perform a free consultation.

If you’re packing, taking your husband’s car insurance off your coverage, etc. you’re doing things that will (apparently) displease your husband. If you’re still having contact with him, or he still has access to where you live, that puts you in a dangerous situation.

I am glad to hear of your plans for this weekend!! Please, please, please let us know how things are going. We all want you to end up in a safer, better situation.

Karin, you’re absolutely right about the attorney. As long as you’re certain your pets aren’t at risk of harm, I’d consider meeting with an attorney to be your highest priority, at this point. Your husband is coercing you into allowing him to stay at the apartment, by threatening you with legal action, in terms of what he considers to be legally admissible evidence. You really MUST talk with a lawyer!!

You’re taking the right steps in terms of moving the heck out! I trust you’re asking for help from Instinct and others, in terms of actually packing up stuff & getting it elsewhere?

Karin, if he is trying extortion, you may want to talk with the police. Unless it indicates that you are/were involved in a murder, homeland security issues, or things of that magnitude, the “files and tapes” are simply more b******t from your Ex and the Mutual to try to keep you in line.

If the files and tapes are something that will jeopardize your freedom, they would have taken them to the police themselves or at least let you hear and review them so that you would know that you really are in serious trouble. They are just trying to scare you. If the tape is just your voice complaining about the marriage, that will get laughed out of court. Who doesn’t complain about a marriage? This is America and we really do have freedom of speech!

And Ex does not even want to think about perjury. Lying in court? My father was a lawyer, and one terrified client of his was frightened that her husband and his friends would get on the stand and tell everyone that she had slept with all sorts of people. She was completely innocent. My father smiled very kindly, and said, “If they want to risk their freedom for this waste of plasma, let them. They must be very good friends, and since all of them will be in jail for perjury, they will have a chance to make all sorts of NEW friends. Please understand, I eat little boys like that for breakfast. I will destroy them.”

Be brave, Karin. These idiots are playing with fire and trying to intimidate you and to scare you into delaying all action.

Go get ’em.

The good news, Karin, is that if you continue to act sufficiently scared of the bogus “threat of legal action” regarding the tapes and files, well, that buys you time to get the hell out.

However, you MUST talk with a lawyer. Only he or she will be able to advise you of the best route for you to take at this point. Personally, I think your husband is showing his true character, under pressure; manipulative, underhanded, and coercive. And those are the nice words.

Emma and HarleyVixen are very correct; he’s trying to scare you. Don’t be scared; chances are very, very good that he has nothing on you that would withstand a competent attorney’s scrutiny in a court of law.

Your focus is to get legal advice and get OUT.

I agree with HV and Ann. It sounds like the antics of a scared, desperate, pathetic man. If he mentions that he has tapes/files, calmly tell him he’s welcome to take them to the police and leave it at that. Who hasn’t ever said the words, “Oh, I could just kill him” or anything else to that effect? Would someone saying this in anger be arrested? No way, because the prisons couldn’t hold all of us! He is coercing you with anything he can and he seems to be winning because you are scared, and he knows it. He is the one who is terrified because this will all affect him more than you. Just my 2 cents worth, and you know we’re all prayig for you.

And police are very sensitive these days to domestic violence, extortion, mental and verbal abuse, and bullying OF FEMALES by their domestic partners.

Very sensitive.

Karin – it sounds like things are really rolling ahead for you. You are right about dealing with an individual rather than a property management situation where rules can’t be bent. Hope the attorney is helpful and gets you through this mess with the least amount of stress possible. I know everyone is rooting for you and the new apartment sounds wonderful. It may have some drawbacks (what doesn’t), but if you are creative you can turn any flaw into a positive. Sending you positive thoughts and a big hug.