HEY KARIN

Viewing 20 posts - 21 through 40 (of 151 total)
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  • #69829
    AZDEBRA 5/27 & crew
    Participant

    Karin, honestly let him threaten to take you to court all day long, as for the mutual friend, don’t trust him if he is trying to talk you out of protecting yourself to protect your husbands honor or whatever. That is not a friend, believe me. If it gets down to it, see if someone can keep the kitties for you and go to a women’s shelter until you find a place to move to. Maybe I&I can keep them in the interim, I know its hard to ask people to help but it is for your own safety and well-being. Put your stuff/belongings in storage, you had already given notice on the your current living abode right? See if there is a legal aid in the phone book if you can’t afford an attorney right now, most states have them I believe. California is wierd about restraining orders, for the proof you have to call the police everytime and then that doesn’t even ensure anything will happen, unfortunately. Wish I was closer to help you in some way, all I can do is offer suggestions, sigh.

    #69830
    Lynn from PA 6/8
    Participant

    Karin, it seems to me like you are being fooled by the mutual friend. I would distance myself from him/her until you know what is going on. One minute all is well, next minute all hell breaks loose. I fear for your safety in this. I don’t think by law, you can change the locks with both of you on the lease. Every state is different. I however are very concerned for you and your situation. I don’t have any help to give you. I only want you to know that think, girl, please think, if it stinks to you, it is wrong. Trust your gut and your brain, and please stay safe. Love you, hugs and purrs, Lynn

    #69831
    Sylmiafelixsmama
    Participant

    I want to take my kitties and run but there is no where to go till I find a new place for myself. I am going to contact a local lawyer referal service tomorrow. They charge $30 for 30 minutes. Hopefully can get a few questions answered within that time. I informed the landlord that I was thinking about changing the locks and she didn’t seem to care who changed the locks as long as I sent them a key. Mutual friend says that if I change the locks I will only be causing more problems for myself. I will check into what Calif’s policy is on this.

    I saw a place today that while the place wasn’t ideal but it is available now and the landlord has been in a divorce and understands my need to move asap and can be flexible about paying the deposit. Hope to see some more places and move soon.

    #69832
    AZDEBRA 5/27 & crew
    Participant

    Karin, the last place/landlord seems to be one of the more agreeable ones that you have mentioned. And if this is the same mutual friend who is helping your husband, don’t take his/her word as gospel. You, Sylvestor, and Mia are in my prayers and thoughts.

    #69833
    Jo in Blairsville
    Participant

    Karin…I have a suggestion.. take it or leave it…you know what is best for you.

    If you contact a safe shelter and explain the situation to them, they have legal advocates who might help you.

    1) Ask them if they have a temporary shelter for you and your cats, and

    2)Ask them what are your legal options. Since they deal with situations like yours exclusively, they are well versed in your legal options.

    That doesn’t mean you have to go and stay there, just see if they will help you a bit over the phone. At least you will have gone on record that you’re having safety issues, and it’s extremely important to be officially recorded as having reported this problem. Law enforcement will never help you if you haven’t exercised the option of officially reporting anything — they will say the problem never existed as far as they’re concerned.

    I continue to pray for you.

    #69834
    anncetera2
    Participant

    Karin, please keep us updated. We care about your situation, and hope you can get the most immediate, urgent concerns resolved soon. I’ve never had a rental situation yet that was “ideal,” though; sometimes good enough is good enough.

    Your husband’s continued bullying tells me that he’s still trying to control you. This is further indication that you need to get out – the sooner, the better. Mutual friend isn’t your friend; I would discontinue all but polite replies to this person. Definitely contact shelters, and get your legal consultation/s going; reconsider the apartment you found. It may be a lot less stressful to be in the new apartment than you think, and you may be able to talk them into a 6 or 4 month lease, and then month-to-month, as you’re able to get your situation (employment, divorce) straightened out.

    You’ll also need to document the threat, if that’s what CA requires to get a restraining order. Date, time, what was said, any witnesses; just the facts. That should be sufficient.

    #69835
    GreatDane
    Participant

    I agree with Anncetera. Maybe you could go ahead and move to the place you saw that is available now. Even if it isn’t completely what you want, it’s better than what you have now! See if the landlord will let you stay there month to month or just sign a short-term lease.

    From what you’ve told, I don’t think your husband will have a leg to stand on in court. I’m sure with his immigration issues, that’s the last thing he’d need. He’s just threatening you to get what he wants – I doubt very much that he’s go through with it.

    I also agree with the others that your mutual friend, is not your friend! If you need someone to mediaate at a meeting, find someone who’s going to be on your side – ask Instinct or you sister or someone instead.

    Hope this all gets resolved soon! Hugs!

    #69836
    2 Popoki
    Participant

    One other small piece of advice…. when I met with my ex’s for the divorce prep talks, I always a chose a ‘neutral’ and public location. A park, a restaurant… adds an element of safety and neutrality. Seemed better than the ‘house/apt we shared’…

    #69837
    Sylmiafelixsmama
    Participant

    Thank you all for the very good advice. I am filling out the rental agreement with the place that is avaiable now and hope he is able to approve me within 24-48 hours. The landlord seems to be a flexible person having gone through a difficult divorce themselves. I am told as long as I can come up with the first month’s rent, they will be flexible on my paying the deposit. So even though the closet space isn’t what I need, I will see I can get approved for the unit and move asap. I am going to go and start collecting boxes and will be packing up the kitchen items first so that he stops using my things. The other stuff can be put in bags. I am checking into obtaining a small loan through a financial institution. I am still going to go look at two other places just so I know all my options (they are ready now for move in as well). I need to move asap. I was told that if I can move to my own place, it may help neutralize the situation. I need to meet with the so called mutual friend to find out what grounds hubby has to take me to court. I think it may just be a tactic so I stay married till he gets his green card. I have called and interviewed for an attorney referral and am waiting for them to call me with if they have matched me with one who can help. I did look up restraining orders and it says that if you have documented proof, it is proof enough in the California court for one. I will check into it with the attorney about it. I am so very tired this morning what with all my running around looking at apartments. I do not feel rested at all and the traffic was really bad this morning. I just tried to stay calm and knew that I would get to work eventually. Thankfully the people I support don’t usually get in between 8:30-9:00am).

    #69838
    KYKAT 12 23
    Participant

    Karin, I am proud of you for being proactive and moving forward. Reading the above it sounds like you are on the right track. There will still be difficult day ahead, but you will make it through. I have a couple of more little pieces of advice to go along with the good things you are doing. Once you move, get a P.O. Box and NEVER give out your physical address. (not to the ex or really anyone that you wouldn’t want showing up at your door. Right now, not to mutual friends either) That will give you another measure of safety yet still allow you to receive correspondence. They aren’t expensive. Then once you are moved, go around and meet your neighbors and let them know that if they ever see a man of your Ex’s description hanging around your apartment to call the police. If he is threatening legal action, physical harm and if he feels backed into a corner because of his green card, he has become a real danger to you. Keep posting, keep emailing me. I am a good listener and want you to get through all this unscathed.

    #69839
    ailuromaniac
    Participant

    Also the TDK posts should help with your documentation for a protective order. You have dates and times of the escalating conflict in these very pages.

    #69840
    Emma
    Participant

    Sweetie, drop the mutual friend NOW, please. Every time he/she enters the picture, you get messed up and promises get broken. This is not a “mutual friend”; this is a very good friend of your husband who keeps delaying you from moving.

    And quit worrying about the ex taking you to court. No judge is automatically on the side of the plaintiff. This could blow up for him big time. Just get your ducks in a row, move out, and start again.

    You’ve started the ball rolling. Keep it going. And keep checking in so that we don’t worry.

    #69841
    CSBM
    Participant

    I think about you and your situation every day and I wish you the very best… You are definently in my prayers every day…

    #69842
    CSBM
    Participant

    another thing – get a good deadbolt lock installed. you can also buy metal rods that fit under the doorknob to keep someoe physically out even if the lock breaks. gosh, even a chair under the doorknob will do…

    #69843
    Sylmiafelixsmama
    Participant

    I am only going to the mutual friend to find out why husband wants to go to court since husband and I do not speak to one another. Husband did send me an email this morning about the garbage disposal (it is broken because of his stupid lamb bones). I deleted the email immediately because I am moving as soon as I can and am not interested in fixing any issue within the apartment. It will be his responsibility when I move out. Also, I have gone and changed the passwords on all of my online accounts. I downgraded the cable TV to the landlord paid basic cable. I didn’t cancel the internet cable part as I need that to search my new places but may cancel it since I don’t want to have to go to him to have him pay his half sort of thing. I will be calling CSAA to cancel his part of the car insurance. He will have to go and obtain his own. He is not going to be happy about any of this but he will have to deal with it.

    #69844
    GreatDane
    Participant

    You go, girl! Sunds as if you’re really getting somewhere now! Way to go!

    #69845
    anncetera2
    Participant

    Karin, I echo the sentiments about getting a PO Box, not using “mutual friend” for any information, and enhancing your personal security until you move out. If he still has the keys, you’re in a perilous situation now – you’re cancelling his part of the car insurance, and that affects him directly and negatively, especially if he gets pulled over for a speeding ticket or something. He will not act positively about that, and may not act rationally, when he finds out.

    You need to make sure that your safety, and the safety of your pets, comes FIRST.

    #69846
    miu
    Participant

    Karin, be strong! I know you can make it on your own. Thumbs up for you. 🙂 I missed the threat part though, what makes you feel your safety is endangered?

    #69847
    Emma
    Participant

    Tell the mutual friend you will be delighted to meet your husband in court. If hubby wants to go to court, for heaven’s sake, LET HIM!

    Can you imagine the look on the judge’s face when you tell him about the strangling motion? The verbal abuse and verbal violence?

    #69848
    Sylmiafelixsmama
    Participant

    Only going to visit mutual friend to find out what hubby thinks he has to take me to court. Believe me, I want nothing more to do with mutual friend who basically is no friend of mine. When I move, I will obtain a PO Box for all correspondance. The place I have applied to move in to, has it so you have to call the person to come down to let you in. If I move in there, I will submit a picture to landlord as well post it in the common area, that he is not to be allowed in to the building. I will verify I can do this when I have the attorney 30 minute advice appt.

Viewing 20 posts - 21 through 40 (of 151 total)
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