The advice you have all given is terrific! I am a retired mental health counselor, and I could not have said things any better than all of you have. The one bit I’d like to add is this–you can NOT change anyone else’s behavior-you can only change your own. As much as we’d all at time like to make someone else do what we’d like or be a different way, we only control our own actions. Karin, Brandilee and Eileen, you are such strong and beautiful women! You have given and given until you are now feeling all used up, and that makes it seem hard to have the energy to make changes. I’ve been there. Even attempted suicide after being with a controlling and emotionally abusive man for 21 years! But ultimately, you have to take care of yourself. There is always a way to leave, if that’s what you need to do. If you don’t have family or friends to help, women’s shelters will give you a safe place to live until you can get on your feet. Don’t be afraid to ask, or feel that because it is emotional abuse it isn’t “real” enough to go to a shelter-it IS real and you deserve the help they can give you. They usually have contacts with legal folks who can help you get through the processes to get free.
Finally, please remember that there is hope in the future. I had decided never to get involved again after my divorce. Didn’t want to make the same mistakes again. Besides, when post-polio syndrome hit and I went into a wheelchair and on a ventilator permanently, I figured no one would want me anyway. Then came my darling Victor. He saw behind the chair, the vent, the medical issues, and loves me unconditionally. Finally at age 58 I am happier than I ever dreamed possible. There ARE good men out there-our own great guys on this list are proof–and you all deserve to have the best! It can happen. Please believe that good things are ahead for the three of you. You are powerful-take control of your life and go after what you want-you have the power to make it what you want, & asking for help here is the first step toward your new life! My prayers are with you, and gentle hugs to you all.