Ange needs ADVICE!

Jo, as usual, stated it better than I could, but remember, this is YOUR parents’ problem, not yours. You can’t take on the world. I know this because I have tried for my whole life. You can’t fix something that is another person’s problem. OK?

Ange – Everyone here has offered excellent advice – particularly about going to Al-Anon. I also agree that you need to think of yourself first. As the others have said, it is your parents’ marriage and their problems – not yours. Your staying could very well provide them with a way to avoid facing up to their problems; you might be enabling your mother to continue putting off making a very unpleasant decision. It sounds like she is using you as a crutch. If you leave, they will no longer be able to use you to distract them from what is really going on in their marriage, and it will help to force them to deal with the real issues.

Remember, you are only responsible for yourself, and the only person you can control is yourself. You cannot worry whether any of your own actions may prove to be the ‘last straw’ in their marriage. It is up to your mom and dad as to how they react to your leaving. If they choose to react by allowing that to finish their marriage, then that is their decision. It is not your responsibility. And if that is what happens, you must realize that if you had stayed you might only have been postponing the inevitable.

Ans above all, don’t let your mom make you feel guilty! Feeling guilt is your own choice; it doesn’t help anybody, and will only hurt you. Naturally, you want to help and support your mom – you just need to find the right way to do this. As I said, I suspect that if you remove yourself from the equation, your parents will be more able to focus on their problems, and you will be in a better position to provide your mother with that much needed support.

Best of luck to you in this difficult decision! Sending positive energy, hugs, purrs and headbonks!

Ange,

I am weighing in on the side of sticking to your plans and continuing with trying to be out by the end of the year. Re-assure your mother that you will still be near by and also think about the fact that if you have your own place it will give your mother the opportunity to retreat away from her house when she needs time and space to think and decide what HER next move might be. It is time to live your life for yourself and you will never truly do that while you are living at home.

Ange, hang in there. You’re not leaving your mother alone, you just won’t physically be sharing the same living space. As you noted, you won’t be more than a phone call away.

In addition, I’m glad that you recognize that your mom should probably think about taking a look at her situation, and figure out what direction she wants to go, at this point in her life. That’s entirely up to her, though; she may need to do that at her own pace, in her own way. I wish her the very best of luck in figuring all that out.

Believe it or not, Ange, you’re through the worst part – you’ve decided what you’re going to do. Everything else gets easier, now. What you’re working on now is implementing your plan, and finding good ways to feel more comfortable with the changes you’re making.

Change is stressful, even good change; change can also be very scary. Be kind and gentle to yourself as you deal with these transitions.

Hi Ange – I feel like the last person in the world to advise re mothers and guilt right now, and certanly couldn’t add to or better any of the advise you’ve already been given…so just have some heartfelt {{{hugs}}} xx

Ange, in your search look for 1 room apartments also, can’t remember what they are called off-hand. Some of them are actually spacious enough for 1 person and a kitten or cat (if you choose to have one), and some have all the utilities but electric and/or water included (just examples, a lot of them have cable/trash/and what-have-you paid with the rent). Just more thoughts for your search.

AZDEBRA… I think you are searching for “studio apt” 🙂

Look at that,Ange!! All this great help and support pouring out on ‘ya.It does my heart REAL good to see you getting all this.Know why?YOU deserve it,believe it or don’t. E-mail me if ya’ want to tonight,Ange. I’ll be around all evening after 7:30pm.