I had just started a new job that June in field sales; I had also been illegally evicted from a home my mother owned (REALLY long story; suffice it to say I still don’t speak to her, and it’s been over ten years) the same month. I was living here and there while working and keeping my residential status private. Anyway, I spent the night at a coworker’s house on September 10, 2001; I woke up the next morning, but I let him sleep. I wanted to play a video game before we went to work later, so I turned on the TV. The “Today” show was on, but what I was watching seemed so surreal, it felt like watching an action movie. I kept hearing that the World Trade Center had been hit, but the last time I heard of anything happening to the WTC it had been back in the ’90s when it had to be evacuated due to a bomb going off. My coworker had then woke up, and we watched the news together. I don’t remember what was said on the news verbatim because none of it made sense to me; none of it felt real. Then the second plane hit, and then the third plane hit the Pentagon; at that point, I thought the world was preparing to end. Later on, long after the fourth plane crashed into the field near Pittsburgh, Cleveland basically shut down, as did possibly every other sizable city in the nation. I had no way of knowing if we were going to live or die; who knew if there were other planes aimed at other sizable cities?
I apologize; I locked so much of this stress and uncertainty up over the past ten years that some of it may have triggered my agoraphobia. I no longer work because of a severe panic attack I had back in January 2003; I often wonder if my life, and the lives of others, would have been better had September 11, 2001 been just an ordinary late summer day.